Quitaverance

We have many encouraging words and expressions
for the value of perseverance:
sticking to it, fortitude, diligence, 
persistence, tenacity, determination, 
resolution, devotion, loyalty, patriotism, 
just do it, never give up, never say die, never surrender.

But we have no encouraging words
for the value of powerfully and courageously choosing 
to quit, to stop, to change course, 
to give up, to re-negotiate or 
to cancel our agreements, 
our word, or our commitments.


Knowing when to quit, knowing when to give up,
recognizing and acknowledging that
we’re going down the wrong road,
and then choosing courage
to quit, to give up, to change course
is, perhaps, the most under-appreciated value 
in the art of living. 

We’re all familiar with the refrain 
from that Kenny Rogers song “The Gambler,"
"You got to know when to hold ’em; know when to fold ’em."
Can you imagine how poor a poker teacher you’d be
if you always encouraged your student
to continue playing a hand of cards,
no matter what new information was available?

We need a new word to denote this idea.
Let’s call it "quitaverance."

Quitaverance is the practice
of learning to recognize when an action or a course of action 
is not working
or when it is not serving our highest values and deepest desires.
Quitaverance is the willingness to choose courage
to stop, to quit, to give up, or to change course
in the service of those deepest values and desires.

Within smaller contexts we can usually recognize
the power and importance of quitaverance.
If we aren’t able to unclog the drain by ourselves,
we quit and call a plumber.
If we have a bad hand in poker,
we fold and give up.

If a first date says s/he doesn’t want to see us again,
we stop seeing that person and move on to the next.
If an emergency with our child develops,
we cancel our agreement to keep a previous appointment.

It’s when we’re dealing with the bigger issues of life
that we don’t see or acknowledge 
the possible value and virtue of quitaverance:
ending a marriage,
breaking up with a girlfriend or boyfriend,
moving out of our parent’s home,
quitting a job or career,
quitting college,
ending a friendship,
leaving a city,
giving up in an argument, fight, or war.

Quitaverance is not an enemy of perseverance.
Quitaverance works in partnership with perseverance,
just as the left and right hand work best in partnership.

Ask yourself,
"If, in my past, I had acknowledged and used quitaverance
as a valued part of my life, 
what difference might that have made for me?"

"How might I adopt and develop quitaverance
(in partnership with perseverance)
as an important cornerstone of my daily living?
What difference might this make in my life?"

"When, in my life, have I chosen the courage of quitaverance
and had it work out beautifully
for myself and others around me?"

Ask yourself,
"What opportunity for choosing courage
and exercising quitaverance 
is there in my life right now?

Am I willing to embrace this opportunity?"